don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
