no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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