Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
