I heard we made out
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
