Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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