I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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