Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
