Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
