I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
