I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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