He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
