I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
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