Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
