She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
