I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize