check it out our google latitudes are spooning
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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