My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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