I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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