Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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