As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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