8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
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