he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
