she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Randomize
