Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
