3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize