you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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