i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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