Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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