btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
