I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
