Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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