Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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