Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
if only i could text you this smell
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
