i think i have two assholes
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
