Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
