Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
