My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
