Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
