can u get pink eye on your cock?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
