Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
