I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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