I'm sorry my penis didn't work
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
