you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
