Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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