We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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