Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Randomize
