i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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