im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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