when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
