I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
