two words: eviction party
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Randomize
