No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
