Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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