If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Randomize
