there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize