a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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