If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
