So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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