take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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