We got so high we made milksteak
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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