I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
